THE SCHOOL OF HARD ROCK

I haven’t turned my back on THE NUTS, really I haven’t.

Illegal immigrants are strolling through our porous border, terrorists currently in our country are planning new attacks, and the Justice Department arrests the founders of Neteller, who aren’t even running the company any longer. It reminds me of Police Officers that write more speeding tickets, not because speed is necessarily dangerous, but because they can do so by sitting in squad cars and waiting for machines to tell them who to nab. You pinch a dodgy Arab and the Muslim organizations scream racism like in the case of that grounded flight. You pinch the Great White Defendant corrupting our youth and no one utters boo.

They executed Socrates because he was corrupting out youth, but they meant actual kids back then. Nowadays our government considers us all children. That’s why demon poker must be wiped out, except in 32 states. It’s also why the government has been trying violently to upheaval our healthcare system. You see there are people who can afford the kinds of health insurance the government wants them to have and instead they spend the money on Plasma Screens and dare I say, poker. We don’t like all that hot-rodding either so let’s blame them for climate change and make them drive golf carts. We could go on and on, but this is a poker blog and you can simply fill in the blanks with any issue hitting us today. Every vile law really comes down to your behavior versus your protector’s view of enlightenment.

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The Seminole Indians bought the entire Hard Rock Empire for $965 Million. I long ago read that the restaurant began in London by two young Americans that missed hamburgers and other new world food. Slowly it spread around the world and now most big cities have them. Brother John and I ate in the Washington DC Hard Rock two days before 9-11. It was a few block away from the Ford Theatre. I paid off a squeegee guy in New Orleans once and saw him the next day drinking a beer at the Hard Rock. I was surprised to see a Hard Rock Café a few years ago in the medium sized Heidleberg, Germany.

I’m 1/16th Cherokee so I suppose that I’m 1/16th proud that American Indians own the Hard Rock. The Seminoles have long been operating a bingo parlor and poker casino in Tampa, Florida. Dude, Sir Saunders and I ventured in there back in 1996 or 1997, but it was a waste of time. State law would only allow penny ante games and it played like 7 card showdown. A few years ago, the Hard Rock remodeled their whole casino, built a hotel and took it as a brand name. They did the same in South Florida. What began as a partnership between the Seminoles and the Hard Rock wound up as a buy-out in December.

These days the casino offers tourneys. The combination of the Anna Nicole news in South Florida, Trish working on Saturday, and online poker wearing a chastity belt combined to give me good incentive to play in their Saturday 1pm $100 rebuy MTT.

I showed up early to play a few STTs, a portion of my game that I’ve been honing. I was there in September and played the $120 and the $225 STT with moderate success. A win, a heads up chop, an outright loss, and big knockout bad beat in 4 attempts for an overall profit.

They take every advantage of being the only game in town with the vigorish being more than 20%. The $120 goes as follows: Ten Players -- $950 to the players -- $250 to the house – 1st - $450. 2nd - $300, 3rd - $200. That’s already more than twice the cost of playing online, plus the blind structure is faster than a teenage wedding night. You get 1500 in chips, blinds move up every 10 hands, 25/50 – 50/100 – 100/200 – 200/400 – 300/600 – 400/800. I didn’t see 400/800 at all yesterday and only once before that. So the whole thing is over in around 50 hands. The house is making about $5 a hand, and then you tip the dealer between $20-40.

To further complain, the prices have gone up. As of February 1st the $120 is now $125 and the $225 is now $250. The new payouts and prices still aren’t listed on the website or the brochures in the poker room. Even the dealers were confused when they tried to explain the new payouts. The gist was the winner gets a nominal mount more like half the price increase, but 2nd gets a bit less and 3rd the same as before. It mirrors what happened in the 1970s when Lee Iacocca begged Carter and the Democrats to put a $2000 tariff on Japanese cars so Chrysler could “compete” with the low prices, and when it passed, Chrysler cars rose in price by $2000. In other words, the price increase is directly related to the government’s assault on online poker. So what is traditionally a game of skill has further and further become a game of chance in the state of Florida courtesy of the anti-gambling zealots. A similar analogy would be Carrie Nation’s lobbying effort resulting in Jack Daniels going from 80 to 100 Proof.

1ST GAME

So there I am yesterday playing pawn in the game of life buying in for $125 telling myself that I am not an action-junkie and I can beat this game anyway. As I said before the play is fast and far too many people gamble earlier than necessary which is the only evening factor in the otherwise bad economics. My cards begin more wretched than a convention of first wives. On the button at 100/200, I decide to push with AJ and not too unhappily, everyone including the limper folds. A few hands later the guy to my right makes a raise in front of me and I push all-in with TT, my first pair of the day. His A9 goes down to defeat.

When we get down to four, I realize that there aren't any scary players at the table. One guy is pure gambler. One guy lays low and peddles the nuts. The third 40sish guy is a regular and sits to my left and comments a lot during the game and demonstrates that he has a lot of experience by the way he talks about hands. He probably wins regular enough at this game and I think his kind of talk is supposed to intimidate other players and maybe it does, but his fatal flaw is that he mistakes a few good plays by opponents as mistakes and by telling me this reveals too many of his own weaknesses. His reaction to one play is astounding. The talker raises on the button with AJ, the big blind (chip leader, gambler) calls. The flop is T73 rainbow. The gambler pushes all-in and put the chatterbox to a decision for all his chips. The chatterbox hems and haws, “I know I got you beat. I don’t want to lay this down. This is hard.” Etc. etc. etc. Finally he mucks showing AJ. The gambler turns over 97 for second pair. Instead of being relieved the talker is mad at himself. “I knew you had trash,” says the talker.

“I had 2nd pair” says the gambler.

“I had two over cards” says the talker, “I should have called.” This is a faster game than even I realized.

With four of us left, I’m sitting on the button with 3600 chips at 300/600. My second pair of the day arrives on the button, KK. I raise to 1500, hoping for action and get a re-raise all-in that barely has me covered, better than I hoped for until I see that he woke up with AA. That’s 22 to1 at a full table and who knows how long the odds are with 4 people left. The flop brings a 3rd Ace that pours concrete in my grave.


2nd GAME

I buy into the 1pm MTT and I still have enough time to play a $125 STT beforehand. This is a game of missed opportunities. I am able to limp with a bunch of small pair and not a single one of them connects. I get heads up once with JJ, but am forced to lay it down when the other guys loves the K that flops. Somehow I manager to hang around with 5 players left and with an M of 5, I decide to push JJ one off the button. This time the small blind wakes up with QQ and for good measure flops the quads. I eat a 4 egg Florentine Omelet with rye toast and prepare for the MTT.

The MTT

192 punters and more than one with a bit of gamble. We begin with 2500 chips and players can re-buy as many times as they want in the first hour $40 per 1000 chips as long as their re-buy doesn’t exceed 3000. Another interesting wrinkle is the $10 bounty, meaning that players earn $10 for every player that gets knocked out. A guy two to my right double rebuys 3 times in 5 hands. Then he single buys once and then double re-buys again right before the break. He’s in for $460 and the money begins at 29th for $185. He gets booted about 20 minutes into the second hour. A majority of the guys at the table re-buy and two others do so more than once. This is some prize pool. My first crucial hand is at 75/150, a level skipped in STT. I have around 1600 chips one off the button and decide to push all-in after two limps with AKs. The button calls as does one of the limps. The limper has QQ – not so bad. The button has KK – decidedly worse. I may not have made this play in a freezeout since I wasn’t in real danger yet, but I thought that it was an opportunity since the rebuy option was still open.

Once the hand is over and I’m broke, I almost decide to get up and play a STT, but something about the satisfaction of the guy who acts like his getting KK was more brilliant than a room of Eisnsteins makes me want to stay. I’m not letting that ass get a $10 bounty on me. I double rebuy for 2000 chips and play not a single hand before the break. During the break I realize my rebuy was too hasty. I should have left or at least triple re-bought for 3000, because the blinds will return at 100/200 and I will very soon be right back in the same spot as before, especially as two new guys were moved to our table that already have more then 8000 chips.

The twenty minute break crawls by. They need the time to count the re-buys and post the prize money. I walk the perimeter of the casino and we still have 15 minutes left. I look for reading material and they have not one poker magazine anywhere. They use to have Card Player Magazine and Poker Player News. Cheap bastards. Although I figure my 2000 chips are a big underdog and survival probably equates to more time at this hopeless task and opportunities lost playing STT with weaker players, I cannot forfeit my $80 re-buy which represents at least a glimpse of hope.

When the game returns I decide I need to double or triple quickly to either get a playable stack or hunt other opportunities. I think about pushing any two cards, but I fear my paltry stack might invite multiple players at a full table killing my odds. I resolve to push or call in the right spot with any decent hand where I perceive to be in the lead, even if only slightly as long as I think it will be heads up. Fortune comes quickly and better than I imagine when KK arrives three hands in and I double-up courtesy of the guy who re-bought to the tune of $300+ in the first round.

In the next ten hands or so I get AJs near the button, which isn’t great, but good enough in late position. I’m practicing in my head that deep resonant sound of “all-in” when a tight player makes a 3x raise in front of me. Considering his play I give him credit for at least QQ with AQ or AK not out of the question. Although a part of me doesn’t mind busting to get to another game, the disciplined me barks an order never to call with the worst of it, much like Ted Williams refused to swing at pitches outside the strike zone, worrying that a hit here or there would cause his overall batting eye to falter and a slump to ensue. I fold as does everyone else.

After time passes, I get the button with ATo and an M of around 7 and I’m grinning as every one of those ducks muck. Finally the guy to my right, who was moved to the table before the break, and who has given a good share of his bounty back with reckless play makes a raise. I give him credit for nothing better than AT save a marginally better small pair so I push all-in and he calls showing me A2s. This guy has been crapping horseshoes all day. He knocked out two different players with AA in the course of 6 hands so it shouldn’t be a surprise when the 2 hits and my MTT life ends.

3rd STT

It’s 3pm now and I could just as soon go, but I’m down $430 despite decent play. I think back on my game. Am I tilting at all? Have the bad situations forced me to press? The only marginal play was the MTT push-in with AKs which wasn’t frustration but opportunity. No, Dr. Tom decides that his game hasn’t suffered the effects of poor outcomes. Layoffs give me a patience that I lose the more I play. A long enough layoff expunges the bad habits with the only downside being a slightly decreased ability to read opponents. To my joy the ability to read others returns on a fast train while the bad habits hitchhike.

So yes I can still play my best game, but I decide that I am not going to play ‘til midnight and let my faculties blur to the exhaustion. Instead I will move up to the $250, where a win puts me ahead for the day and a place gets me back to even.

I draw seat 5 which is a good omen in that I like playing across from the dealer where I can see the flop, showdowns and players the best. The cards as usual don’t cooperate. The $250 gives you 2000 chips which I suppose is their little concession considering they make more money on it.

With blinds still at 25/50, I have 88 on the small blind and a raise to $250 called by 3 players before me. Fischman taught me to lay low in the early rounds when the blinds are small. Should I be risking 1/8 of my stack in this situation even if I have a good chance to double or triple up with the right flop? Let’s say I triple up, would that guarantee me a trip to the money? No. But I also have to weigh the fact that this is a fast game and getting a big stack early seems to cause worry to other players that think they need to gamble more even when the blinds are tiny. It’s the same thought process that makes some people angry that the rich can afford yachts despite the fact that they themselves are wealthier than 90% of the world population. Since I’m getting decent odds on my money, I haven’t seen a set yet, and someone will no doubt pay me off if I hit I decide to call. Now all of that turned out to be a great lesson as to why I shouldn’t talk myself out of my early strategy, because flop misses.

When we get to 100/200 I’m UTG with QQ. I push my 1200 chips in and get all six remaining specimens to fold. My next hand is AKs in the big blind. Now I get a limp, call, call and I push again. One guy decides makes a crying call with 33. I don’t make that call in his place, especially with a guy to act behind him who quickly folds. At this point I’m into the day for $680 and the flop and turn are blank. Only a bad back keeps me from leaping to my feet for the exit when I’m sure the river will blank as has my luck all day. Of course, I wouldn’t be telling this story if the A didn’t save my ass on the river, would I? I’m back in the black for the moment.

I try to make a decision about my opponent who called with 33. It seems weak. I think about it from the other side. He sees me going all-in two hands in a row, this time in front of all those limpers. He knows that I know that someone has a pair. It would be fool hardly to raise all-in there with 66 or 77 and poor value to do so with KK or AA. Maybe I have TT or JJ, but I decide to give him credit for reading my hand which he probably figures to be some kind of A+paint. On the other hand, I still don’t think I make the call in his spot even though he has double my chips. Is that a strength in my game or a weakness? Should I call a coin-flip with a 2x chip advantage, an M of 20, and six players left, especially when misreading the opponent 1 time in 100 wipes out the slight advantage? I still think no. Losing their suddenly puts me in a spot where M becomes a problem, while holding fast allows the others gamblers to slug it out.

I don’t remember the position or details but I remember Dude being in a similar spot in a Poker Stars MTT where he called with 22 or 33 against an AK all-in late in the tourney. The railbirds were chirping his epitaph although it held up and knocked the other guy out. I don’t remember the chip stacks or the M factor and I hope Dude does and can comment.

Anyway, after surviving the coin-flip I went back in the basement. Twice I pocketed small pairs (55, 77), but with the M on the bubble and a suspicious raise in front of me, I yielded twice. With 5 players and my M down to a disgusting 5 and a limper on the button, I went ahead and pushed with Q7o. To my dismay, the big blind and the button called. To my joy, the queen connected and despite the K on board and I tripled up. Neither showed me their calling hands. Hummm.

Later I was in the BB with K7. It folded around the SB who cold called. If I were in chip danger I would have pushed, but sitting in the rocking I just saw the flop that brought KT6. The SB who had been chip leader with 6 players now had less than me and pushed all-in. It reminded me of the way guys cold call pocket pairs in the SB hoping for a raise from the BB. So many times when the flop brings an over card they get frustrated with the result and foolishly push all-in which usually results in winning a little or losing a lot. I immediately call and he turns over K6. At first glance I’m ahead and then I see his 2 pair. Well he played it perfectly if he knew I hit a K, otherwise I don’t quite understand it. The turn brought a 4 and the river brought a T. Wait! My 7 plays against his 6 with the bigger two pair. He’s thrown to the rail grumbling like a peasant, certainly more outwardly upset than I have displayed during my bad beats. Now I know that the Good Lord doesn’t want me to go home broke which almost happened before two lucky rivers. It was the first time all day I won an all-in as the decided underdog.

My opponent served a good reminder as to why limping heads up with trash is such a weak play late in a tourney. A raise there probably would have made me fold. Why call and risk hitting a 6 when it might bleed you, risk hitting a K when action means you might be out-kicked, and put yourself in a position to disguise the perfect flop so much that you get the action that even sometimes ensures a come-from-behind loss? Playing it safe and playing too many hands besides everything else lets you make hands that you can’t escape.

That event brought me to the money. 3 players left now and I have 8,500 of the possible 20,000 chips. On the first hand I have the button and KK. With the blinds at 400/800, I decide once again to seek action by only raising to 2,000. The big blind, who hasn’t played extremely well, calls. He has 2600 behind. He’s been chip leader more than once only to chase down hands both times where he should have known he was beat. The flop is A83. The pot is 4400 and he pushes in his last 2600. I have 6500 left. A call and loss gives me 3900 and a more likely 3rd place finish. He says, “I bet you have me out-kicked” after the push. Is that deception? I don’t think so. He’s shown to be a chaser and only a genius would have gone to showdown on some of those hands to enable himself to pretend to have an Ace now. I fold. He shows A4.

I made a good lay-down, but damn my luck that brings an Ace again. That’s no way to treat my KK. Then like a messenger from God, the nominal chip leader who is on the button says, “Why don’t we just chop three way?” I immediately accept as does the guy with aces and the payoff suddenly brings me up $100 for the day despite the serial ass-kicking. We tip the dealer generously. We shake hands and congratulate each other on our play. We become momentary friends. We get our money and can’t remember each other in ten minutes. Ah, that’s what success feels like.

THE LAST OF IT

It is 4:30pm now and no time to look a gift-horse in the alimentary canal. But I’m a winner despite a day of bad cards and bad situations so I decide to play one more $250 hoping that all the bad starting hands even out at once. Rather than boring you with that tale, I’ll say that I finished 5th getting all in with 2 live cards as a 55-45% underdog.

Here’s a rundown of my 9 hours of action:

AA= 0 times
KK= 3 times (lost twice)
QQ= 1 time (everyone folded to my raise)
JJ= 3 times (lost twice)
TT= once (doubled up in the first tourney)

Flushes = 0
Straights= 0
Sets= 0
Pairing both of my hole cards = 0

So I’m stuck for $150 on the day and the lesson is that even with the house cut and quick action, I can probably beat the game next time if a couple of timely hands. But when? I’m almost going to have to take a day off to go back and I don’t see when that can happen. Thanks Dr. Frist for contributing to my 80-mile tired drive that puts me at risk of bodily harm and the back pain that goes with hour-long car trips. Though I have to say that 1/16th of me should thank him for the added-value vigourish that such government decisions have brought.

Anyway, at least I have finally contributed the THE NUTS after such a long hiatus. Let’s hope that I have something better to share next time.